A guide for if you are studying coaching, or being coached, or anything really...

Today, an old client contacted me to let me know they are going to study coaching!

THRILLED.

I love coaching so much.

They asked if I had any advice or hints or tips and when I read what I said I thought - I like that and it applies to so many things, so here it is.

Drop ANY notion of being right.

Coaching works at the values and beliefs level and it is our job to challenge people’s values and beliefs.

Everybody is right, partially.

Who knows what is good and what is bad?

Remember that going through a coaching course is not a debating society or a place to challenge the offers being made to you. Approach with curiosity, beginner’s mind and be prepared to throw out EVERY last thought, value and belief you have then pick it all up again, leaving behind things and thoughts that cause suffering or stress. ANYTHING.

You will be triggered - notice everything. Notice your body, your arguments, your internal dialogue and lap up every last bit of input with an appetite.

Let your coaches and other trainee coaches challenge you and go where the triggers are.

Let yourself be wrong, feel wrong and take it all in.

Trust the process. Trust the coaches and trust the techniques - they are well-researched generally and well-practiced. 

Let your buttons get pushed and approach with the attitude of being altered. Allow yourself to be surprised and shocked and to do things differently.

This constant self-inventory and reinvention and questioning and seeking will make you a better coach.

Practice the art of pausing and listening. Listen really hard. That means leaving time between what is said and what you respond with. 

Notice who triggers you and sit with it.

Come from a place of being enough and having a lot to learn,

Be open to being corrected, redirected and criticised ; THE MOST EFFECTIVE leaders I have ever worked with were able and willing to be criticised. It’s a skill and will be hugely helpful as a coach. (The most anxious, defensive or tricky people I encounter are terrified of this and will try an control it at all costs).

Separate yourself from the client and from the content. This is essential. Essential. 

You must learn to hold space. Get over shame and embarrassment and defensiveness. 

These are all things I have learned and I keep learning. 

The more I can hold space the better a coach I am.

The more I come from a place of being enough and liking myself, the better I am at learning new things and being a brave coach who can create brave spaces. 

The more I can respond with grace, willingness to be criticise and the absolute knowledge that anything my coachees direct at me is always an opportunity for them to reveal more.

Have fun - coaching is BRILLIANT - I love it so much. Every day I am thinking of ways to question my own way of doing things in favour of peeling back the layers, the illusions we set up for ourselves (often disguised as very high-minded values and ’the kind of person you are’. Often beliefs that are handed down generation after generation that no longer serve us but we leave unquestioned. We are always trying to please our parents - often even after they are dead. Be willing to admit that. Feel all your feelings.)

I LOVE coaching so much - like I say everyday I notice where I’m people pleasing, when I get mini-triggered, when I feel relaxed, luxurious, calm, creative, curious and beautiful.

Liz Gilbert suggests that the most relaxed person in the room holds the most power.

She asks “How many relaxed women do you know?”

She has made it her life work to become a relaxed woman.

Me too.

Are you a high-performing, unapologetic, game-changing person with big-ideas, a healthy approach to money and fortune and would like to up your game, have more influence and to get more relaxed and creative while you are at it. Get in touch and we can take you to the next level of influence, personal power and delight. You feel a bit ready? A bit curious? A bit fluttery in the stomach. Let’s talk.