Back into the Scroll Hole

OK so as all good addicts we tend to find replacements for our primary addictions.

Now if you are not addicted to something it’s easy to suggest that one should just regulate.

Alcoholics Anonymous thanks you for your incredible insight.

But as a human who has recognised addictive behaviour in Social Media usage, welcome to phase two of uncovering and observing my personal behaviours around this. AND YOU ARE INVITED! Into my scroll of insanity.

Nothing groundbreaking AT ALL.

So here is my online methadone:

The Guardian

Email

YouTube

I will literally just scroll over the Guardian content again and again scrolling the same stuff.

I’ll scroll over and over my email - same stuff. No updates, no new mail in.

And Youtube, scroll and refresh - even when I have no intention of watching something.

But there’s a difference.

Awareness.

I’m aware.

Noticing.

I guess one could call it mindfulness.

So the behaviour hasn’t quite shifted completely; we’re in the transfer phase.

The methadone clinic of scrolling. #methadonescroll

But it is interesting to note that the scrolling itself has become an addictive, Pavlovian habit.

And that is the next nut to crack as I am not craving my wall, feed or page. Or any of the content.

But I do sit watching a TV show I am really engaged in and scroll slight-more-mindfully-than-before but still somewhat mindlessly - just the gap between mindless and mindful is shorter.

So I’m learning - closing the gap between mindless and mindful is a process, which is disappointing because I have listened to at least 3 podcasts about it and was hoping that would be my highway to enlightenment.

Not having the phone next to me still feels scandalous. But better

I’ve deleted the Guardian App from my phone and am reading online instead - it just adds that extra layer of chance to go ‘Ahh there you go again’.

Email - I stop looking at as soon as I realise what I’m doing.

And as for Youtube - well I can’t actually do both things at once, watch Youtube AND watch TV. I have attempted it in the hardest parts of my #scrollhole addiction. But it really doesn’t work so while I’m in rehab, it’s good to notice and just remove the phone from hands-reach. I love YouTube - watch some great things on there. So that stays. Enjoying that.

Then note the craving. The auto-grab. The auto-reach for the phone. The autoscroll. It really is quite odd the reach scroll realise. Reach scroll realise. Reach scroll realise.

Maybe I’ll re-listen to Russell Brand’s book ‘Recovery; Freedom from Our Addictions’, on twelve-step recovery again and note where I’m at.

The period of unfucking-myself and starting to just ‘be’ is rather interesting.

Let’s see where we go next - we’ll hit the magical 21 days mid-week.

Here we go. What’s coming up for you?

I wonder when I’ll stop reach scroll realise.

I am on a complete social media break until the end of July. Keep in touch though through email, Whatsapp and Line. Also sign up for Sarah Furuya Coaching communications here.

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Back into the #scrollhole - Deleting The Guardian