On a break

Have you ever had a feeling of resistance or that you didn’t want to do something? 

I mean I’ve had that many times, yet I got on with it, bit the bullet, pushed through it, convinced myself that my reputation would be in tatters if I didn’t do all the pushing of the through, biting of the bullets and enduring. The resilience - lord the resilience! So reliable! Mercy me!

Recently I once again confirmed that I am a grown-ass woman and I can do whatever I want.

The Legends Podcast is a place of love, fascination and storytelling, and yet, as I celebrated my 10th business anniversary back in October, told some of my own stories stewarded by lovely Angela Ortiz Pettas, and reflected on the takeaways from telling and listening to those stories, I had this strong feeling that I didn’t want to rush to record 4 new episodes to take us into the new year and beyond. It just felt kind push-throughy. It hadn’t felt like that before. And I asked (my assistant) Laura to confirm that…

I AM THE BOSS OF THE PODCAST (even after all these years of coaching, being a grown-ass woman in their 50s and knowing I am the boss of the things, I still need the big boss, Laura to confirm that I am indeed a boss).

My retro year-programme FNJ clients will no doubt be giggling now as ‘you are the boss of the xxx’ has been a well-worn mantra in our group in response to any undue permission-seeking.

After the ten-year anniversary party and the actual date of my last day in full-time employment passed, I had this strong strong urge to change things.

Of course SF Creative was born off this emergent urge back in the summer, and it continued; the urge and it is an urge, something that is welling up from the essence of me, to change things up even further. Without a clear ‘how-to’ or a clear vision - but just a notion, a hunch, an intuition, an URGE.

So I followed it.

One thing I did know was that in order to follow the urge to change, some changes should be made. Some things stopped or held. Terrifying to put my coaching hat on and trust the process. Allow myself to follow my urge, start to retreat and TRUST the process.

So that’s what I did - retreated and changed things up. 

Pretty radically. 

Ongoing.

I have not looked at Facebook for 4 weeks. Not even a peek. Things still get posted and communicated through Team SF Creatives Laura and PodLaunch Jayne and perhaps cross-posting from Instagram.

I am rationing my engagement on Instagram. This is an interesting one - I thought I would miss it terribly. But I don’t.

Quiet.

I have removed a barrage of information coming into my face. 

I have read a number of books.

Engaged a very specific coach based in Australia and am plotting mini-retreats in UK and visits from beloveds from various corners of Europe.

Sometimes I feel a bit lonely not seeing all the invites, activity and not knowing what people are up to, but for the most part - I love it. I feel like a badass recluse preparing their masterpiece of absolute integrity while having no idea what 1500 minus 20 of my Facebook friends are doing. (That 20 being the messaging app folk with whom I chat on the weekly).

WAITING TO SEE WHAT EMERGES.

This is radical - and the more I’m away the lower my FOMO quotient descends toward zero. I mean I think I’m already there - the voice that whispers in my ear ‘You’re missing all the parties’ seems odd and out of integrity. And I’m not missing all the parties. Messages take care of that. 

There has been another huge change, alongside all this; we are not doing things by halves over here at SFC; not doing things by halves or quarters. Not everything is for knowing by everybody, but it all seems so right (and terrifying - but curious terrifying; the kind of terrifying where you know the fear is addiction, is programmed, is set pieces, well-worn tropes and default narratives).

Golly - all this to tell you that I decided to put the podcast on hold! Clear the energy landscape, (thanks very smart client for that visual), keep reducing, and following urges. Urges away from. Urges toward.

Urges - small voices, little curiosities, internal queries, flushes of physiology, feelings of ambivalence, energy disruption.

So now I’m kind of into not doing things. 

More to come! 

Thrilling. 

In the meantime, please enjoy these retro episodes that we’ll be grouping for your auditory and viewing (on YouTube), pleasure. 

First up is the writers - please dig into this selection of writers from the Legends of yore.

WRITERS:

Angela Ortiz Pettas Season 2 Episode 1 - Author of Place to Grow, lessons learned from first response and sustainable support for the Great Hanshin Earthquake of March 11th 2011

Vail Fletcher Season 3 Episode 3 - Editor of Communicating in the Anthropocene

Leza Lowitz Season 3, Episode 4 - Leza wrote beautiful tomes marrying yoga with poetry in Yoga Poems and Yoga Heart, and a beautifully crafted account of the impact of the Great Hanshin Earthquake of March 11th 2011, Up from the Sea, among her many writings.

Karen Hill Anton Season 3 Episode 7 - Author of The View from Breast Pocket Mountain a brilliant memoir from New York, across Europe to Rural Japan

Baye McNeil Season 3 Episode 8 - Celebrated Brooklyn-born, Japan-based writer and author of Hi, My Name is Loco and I’m a Racist, and Loco in Yokohama. Baye is an important voice in Japan reporting and literature and his story is fascinating. (When you are thinking the name Baye - it should sound like Kanye not grey)

Katherine North Season 3 Episode 10 - Author of Holy Heathen: A Spiritual Memoir and the Secret Society of Saint Nicholas

Holy Heathen and The View from Breast Pocket Mountain should be enjoyed back to back with endless cups of tea. Both are brilliant memoirs of lives lived in Japan

Laura Cooper Season 5 Episode 2 - Laura left Japan, and in her 40s took the plunge into a 2 year Masters of Creative Writing in Norwich, England. Following her creative urge, I cannot wait to see what Laura does following graduation!

Neil Chapman Season 5 Episode 3 - Neil appears with his partner Duncan, who helped edit his exquisite book ‘Perfume; In Search of Your Signature Scent’. This is a sumptuous, florid journey into olfactory fascination. 

Marcellus Nealy Season 5 Episode 8 - Marcellus is spoken word genius, poet and editor and curator of the ToPoJo Excursions Umoja: Black Diaspora Edition

His own writing appears in the collection and I was honoured to have had Marcellus open my 10th anniversary party with a reading of his poem ‘I am’

Enjoy these episodes and the podcast will be back in the new year!